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rainbowmoonstonestories · 1 year ago

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A Bounty As Boundless As The Sea | Chapter 1

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: One Piece (Liveaction 2023) Rating: Explicit Relationships Dracule Mihawk x F!Reader Characters: Dracule Mihawk, Original Characters, Akagami no Shanks, Roronoa Zoro , Perona. Warnings: Mention of blood and physical torture, violence, 18+ content (minors DNI), explicit sexual content, POV switching. Summary: Constantly evading capture due to a bounty on your head, you were forced to embrace the life of a pirate, despite your initial desire for a thrilling adventure and a simple exploration of the world. One fateful day, the Marines dispatched Dracule Mihawk to hunt you down, plunging you into a game of hide and seek with the formidable Warlord of the sea throughout the East Blue. However, to your surprise, the man proved to be less bloodthirsty and hostile than you had anticipated. His piercing, hawk-like eyes, shimmering with a deep golden hue, left an indelible impression on your mind, while his apathetic yet self-assured demeanor ignited a newfound sense of intrigue within you.

Note: This story will eventually include bits from the Anime, so you should expect some Spoilers if you haven't watched it. However, everything written here is purely based on the liveaction adaptation.

Please consider that Mihawk is 41 when he first appears in One Piece, which means that the Reader is supposed to be in her thirties at best, even if the age isn't mentioned.

Credits: The divider was made by firefly-graphics.

Read on AO3.

CHAPTER 1

The day you headed out to sea from your place of origin, you didn't anticipate the course of your life to take a turn for the worse. Of course, in a world infested by piracy, riots, and wars, you were conscious of the potential perils that lurked in the horizon. However, you did not foresee that you would end up with a bounty on your head for taking the life of a Marine Admiral, who had put you through numerous days of torment and barbarism.

If anyone had conveyed to you about a similar possibilty, you would have deemed it to be a matter beyond your wildest imagination. You? A wanted criminal with the blood of another person on your hands? You were renowned for your compassion in your hometown. You could never harm a fly, no matter how hard you tried. And yet, the time you spent incarcerated for a minor food theft in the East Blue brought forth a substantial change in the person you used to be.

You had no desire of becoming a pirate, least of all taking someone's life the way you did. The legendary treasure, the One Piece, didn't entice you in the slightest, as it could very well be a falsehood concocted to unleash disorder on the world. You were seeking nothing but an outing, a break from the monotonous cycle that had exhausted you for quite a long time. You yearned to be on an adventure, to observe the marvels of the ocean, and to gain your financial stability through ethical methods.

You were once the pride of your family, and the thought of how profoundly disappointed they must have felt for your sullied repute overflowed you with mortification.

For a while, everything was as normal as it could be. You worked from one tavern to another, gathering information about the most formidable pirates setting their sights on the Grand Line. You heard several tales from inhabitants and wayfarers, even from the Marines themselves. You were thoroughly pleased with the experience and the wisdom you were acquiring for your own good during your travels.

Unfortunately, things started to deteriorate when your ship developed a massive leak, to the point where you barely managed to reach the next harbor before capsizing and sinking down. The funds available to you weren’t nearly enough to buy a new one, and thus you had to depend on occasional fishermen or merchants for transportation, still paying them handsomely for their help.

On a day when misfortune struck, you were robbed of all your Berries and supplies due to your naivety. You were unable to report the incident to the authorities as the culprits fled as soon as you set foot on land, leaving you without a single coin in your pockets and no food to sustain you during your wanderings. Without money, you could no longer afford passage by ship or meals at local taverns. You were obliged to begin from the outset, tracking down employment opportunities that seemed increasingly difficult to come by.

And then the harassment began, with unscrupulous dealers or pirates demanding a certain type of payment in exchange for their services, which you naturally rejected. As time passed, you had to resort to adopting a defensive stance the hard way, procuring blades and handguns via questionable channels.

You were tired, demoralized, and desperately hungry. Your suffering clouded your judgment, pushing you towards a path you never thought you would accept as your only option.

And then, you had the not-so-brilliant idea of stealing a piece of bread from a market, thinking that just one time wouldn't really be the end of the world. Little did you know, you were about to seal your own fate, as the Marines happened to walk by just as you committed the act, completely unaware of their presence.

You begged for your freedom, spelling out justifications in the hope that they would provide you with the considerate treatment that innocent citizens were supposed to receive. You were gravely mistaken.

The discovery of two sharp daggers and a fully loaded pistol in your backpack certainly did not aid your predicament. Despite numerous attempts to convince them that you were not a pirate, they refused to listen to your reasoning and brought you directly to the Marine base, where a cold cell awaited your arrival.

They left you there without food and barely any water for three days, until the Admiral in charge finally decided to acknowledge your presence. You had hoped that they would recognize their grave misinterpretation and offer you the justice you were due, but you were astonished to find that the conditions of the enstablishment were just as oppressive as the enclosure of your prison.

The commander wished to gain knowledge pertaining to certain fugitive pirates, whose heads were carrying substantial rewards for their crimes against the Government. In view of this, the man put forth an offer that he reckoned would be difficult for you to refuse; join forces with him in return for your liberty.

The hitch was that, besides knowing their names, you were not well-informed concerning these outlaws. The Admiral was convinced that you were withholding more than you wanted to disclose, referring to you as a member of those despicable parasites. The Marines didn’t even put in the effort to corroborate your innocence prior to deeming you officially guilty, using their prestige as a weapon and exerting power over those who were vulnerable.

Ultimately, after realizing you were unwilling to cooperate, the Admiral employed brute force in a bid to extract any secret you were keeping to yourself. In the confines of your cell, you were left to starve and decay as your body continued to weaken. The man would make daily visits, sadistically using his blade to inflict deep wounds on your back, your shirt being ripped in the process. One slit progressed to two, then three, and then ten, until you were unable to keep track of the number. The persistent agony was compounded by the dripping blood, which formed a revolting pool on the floor and stained your uncomfortable bed.

He was a sadist, twisted by madness, using your body as his canvas.

On the brink of abandoning all your hope and acquiescing into rotting in that prison, a guard entered to release you, apprising you that the Admiral had a final proposal ready for you. By then, you had already lost a considerable amount of weight, and you could barely remain standing on your enfeebled legs. The oldest scars on your back itched as they recovered, though the fresh ones were still moist and soaked with blood.

You were forcefully shoved into the office as the guard closed the door behind you, leaving you on your knees, alone with your jailer. Once again, the Admiral attempted to coerce you with promises of salvation, threatening a proper execution the following day if you didn't comply.

It was evident that he had grown tired of toying with you. The Admiral's obsession with pirates seemed to be a severe mental illness, as he saw evil lurking in every corner, when in reality, he was the only monster in front of you.

The moment he turned his back to you and placed his arms across his torso while looking at the window, you became aware of an opening directly upon his desk. There was an empty plate sitting there, with a fork and knife neatly arranged upon it.

A knife, sharp enough to effortlessly cut through a thick steak.

Your heart pounded loudly in your ears as you swallowed hard. Time was of the essence and you needed to act swiftly, without any hesitation whatsoever. Summoning every ounce of energy left in your frail body, you stood up from the polished floor, careful to make minimal noise with your tattered boots. Advancing at a steady pace and with a calculated gait, you went up to the large table, your eyes fixed on the back of the Admiral's head.

Ignoring his eccentric speech, you stealthily grasped the knife by its handle, slowly leading it away from the dish and carefully concealing it inside the sleeve of the meager garment you were still wearing.

You could barely take a couple of steps back before he turned to face you once more, a malicious grin spreading across his lips. He taunted you, expressing his pity for your miserable state and remarking how much fun the two of you could have if only you were smart enough to choose his side.

He walked past the table, extending his big hand to touch your shoulder. You acted on pure instinct as the hunger, resentment, pain, and fear that had consumed you for the longest days of your life surged to the surface all at once. You let the knife slip from your sleeve, tightly gripping it in your hand before delivering a quick and effective stab to his neck, slicing it open.

For a brief moment, you felt nothing. With cold, deadpan eyes, you stared at him as he gurgled and collapsed to the floor. It was only when you saw the blood pouring forth around him that you abruptly snapped back to reality, realizing the gravity of what you had just done.

Panic surged through you when you heard the guard knocking at the door, and from there, everything happened in a blur of rapid movements. As the knob turned, you ran to hide behind the door, seizing the opportunity to slip away when the guard discovered the Admiral's lifeless body in the room. In a rush of agitation, you escaped through the halls and stumbled upon a Marine uniform that was slightly oversized. Fright filled your heart as the shrieking alarm carried on blaring through the base, until at last you managed to end up outside as a disguised cadet.

You discovered an unattended boat moored at the port, which you promptly took control of. Embarking on a journey to an unknown destination, you discarded the stolen uniform in the middle of the ocean, allowing yourself to finally collapse and rest.

The more you pondered on it, the less determined you felt to adhere to the regulations. You believed that the laws and policies of the world were established to serve a better code, but those who worked for the government, meant to become an example to admire and strive to imitate, turned out to be even more despicable than the scum they vilified.

Whenever your scars itched, or someone asked about them to satiate their curiosity, you were reminded of the little trust you could bestow on anyone in your proximity. In the event that even a senior official had the power to pronounce fatal verdicts and physically torment a civilian without carrying out an adequate examination, to whom could you turn for protection?

Ultimately, you realized that the most logical option available for you was to return to your hometown. But then, as you began preparing to leave your life at sea, a wanted poster bearing an image of your disraught face was displayed on the walls.

In that moment, you felt as if you had been shattered into a thousand pieces. You were now persecuted like any other pirate the Marines wanted to capture, and you could no longer travel to your island for the sake of your family and friends. You were alone, lost, on the run from the authorities and bounty hunters.

If they were going to treat you like a pirate, then you would just become one. And so you learned, fought, stole, cheated, and fled, over and over again. As the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months, you found yourself living in a way that would prevent you from falling and drowning, training extensively and gaining muscle. You became adept at disguising yourself on the spot, and acquired a set of skills that you never imagined would be fitting for your old, innocent self.

All you could do was endure and survive.

Between your shady deals and overheard conversations, you learned about a certain Warlord of the Sea, and none other than the strongest swordman in the world. A man whom you, with your existing notoriety, should have never dared to cross paths with.

And yet, you did.

Dracule Mihawk, once a dangerous pirate known as the Marine Hunter, had now formed an alliance with the World Government, allowing him to carry out his questionable deeds while putting on a facade of indifference. The first time you laid eyes on him, you were casually strolling down a bustling street. He leaned against a stack of wooden crates, seemingly at ease as he carefully surveyed his surroundings.

You could only identify him based on an outdated, revoked bounty poster that could still be spotted here and there on walls or scattered in the streets. However, at the outset, you didn’t know that he was specifically targeting you of all people.

It became increasingly clear to you that he had been dispatched by the Marines to pursue you relentlessly, as you began to notice his presence wherever you went. You couldn't comprehend how he managed to track your every move, as you were confident that no one was tailing you. Yet, he displayed the stealthiness of a bird of prey, meticulously observing your actions before launching his ultimate assault. You couldn't help but feel intimidated, especially in the presence of his colossal sword and menacing yellow hawk-like eyes, albeit beautiful and captivating.

He didn't even pay you any evident attention until you met his gaze by chance, sparking an electric and unsettling connection between the two of you. Despite his detachment, showing little interest in his surroundings, you couldn't help but notice that the more you tried to hide, the closer he seemed to lurk nearby.

One day, as you hastened your pace, you arrived at a bustling village market, with Mihawk still trailing a few steps behind. You quickly veered towards a clothing stall, feigning fascination in the assortment of hats and dresses on display. The merchant, a friendly middle-aged man with long hair and a sumptuous beard, warmly urged you to explore more of his wares in the privacy of a fitting booth.

In order to alter your appearance, you donned a voluminous, frilly red dress that gracefully swept the floor, effectively hiding your outfit underneath. To further conceal yourself, you completed the look with a matching hat that kept your hair securely tucked away.

As Mihawk strolled by the stall, you caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror before you. Maintaining your composure, you intentionally raised the pitch of your voice, exclaiming with exaggerated enthusiasm about the vibrant colors and exquisite materials of the dresses, even altering your accent.

The merchant's genuine excitement warmed your heart despite your act. After paying for the clothing, you bid the man farewell with a gentle wave and walked in the opposite direction, leaving the stall and stealing a final glance behind.

You caught sight of the Warlord’s sword and the white feather of his hat vanishing amidst the crowd. With a satisfied smile grazing your lips, you turned on your heels and dashed towards the docks where your new boat awaited you.

Just over a month later, you found yourself once again face-to-face with the swordman, this time at a tavern in a different part of the East Blue. Despite his distance from your position at the bar, the frequent glances you exchanged with each other evoked a completely different sensation.

In a peculiar manner, he seemed to be savoring the chase, never resorting to his strength or speed to corner you. Instead, he engaged in a game of hide and seek, seemingly finding amusement in the pursuit.

Naturally, you weren't foolish enough to approach his table and engage in conversation with a man who was likely plotting to hand you over to the authorities. After emptying your glass, you rose from the bar and made your way outside into the open air. Without bothering to check if he was following, you skillfully maneuvered yourself through corners and darted down alleys, searching for the most efficient shortcut you could find. Finally, you arrived at your vessel and embarked on another voyage, mustering the courage to look at the docks as the boat moved further away.

Mihawk stood there, unmoving, his expression void of any emotion, his golden eyes piercing into you without a single blink.

And just as it had happened before, a grin spread across your face. It was a triumphant gesture, a deliberate provocation to show him that you were also thoroughly enjoying the game. Mihawk remained unfazed, turning away and retracing his steps without making any attempt to pursue you by sea.

This pattern continued for quite some time, with more encounters scattered all over the East Blue. Each one of them ended with your successful escape, leaving his intense gaze fixed upon you. At some point, you began to suspect that he was intentionally letting you get away. It seemed unbelievable that a skilled fighter with his reputation would consistently be defeated by a novice like yourself.

While it was initially exhilarating and you liked the thrill of the challenge, in the end, it left you with a profound emptiness in your heart. Dracule Mihawk was undeniably a handsome man, but his attention proved incapable of filling the void that lingered within you. This was primarily due to his unfriendly intentions, as he solely aimed to capture you eventually. The truth was that you deeply missed your family, friends, and the mundane life that you could no longer reclaim. Ever since obtaining that bounty, you had to sever all contact with your loved ones for their safety. The overwhelming sense of loneliness and the feeling of being trapped in an endless cycle weighed heavily on you, leaving an intense craving for a definitive way out that appeared impossible to find at the time.

Your reasoning led you to the conclusion that if Mihawk's true intention was to hand you over to the Marines, he would have to kill you in the process.

While you didn't necessarily desire death to befall you, the life of a pirate had its limitations when it came to joy and fulfillment. It simply wasn't the path meant for you, and you couldn't help but wish you had known what awaited you beyond your familiar surroundings before leaving behind everything and everyone you held dear.

You were utterly exhausted, drained both physically and emotionally. The scars on your back had fully healed and partially faded, but they still left behind a collection of unsightly, rough marks that marred your skin. You were so desperate to avoid setting foot in another Marine base that you would have willingly allowed Mihawk to annihilate you.

And so, the next time you saw him, it was meant to be the very last.

Voices reached your ears, hinting at the existence of a cave brimming with wonders on a small, inhabited piece of land. Given the prevalence of pirates eager to seize anything valuable, you didn't have high expectations for what you might discover. fueled by curiosity and with no pressing obligations, you made the bold choice to embark on this adventure, inspect the cave and fearlessly delve into its depths.

As you had anticipated, there were footprints marking the sandy and muddy terrain within the cave. Empty treasure chests were scattered about, their contents long since plundered. You could only salvage a few scattered pieces of gold and jewelry that had been left behind in various locations.

Though the loot may not have been plentiful, it was still a satisfying outcome after such a long journey. Your focus was captivated by a ring that could have easily been overlooked, partially buried in the sand with only a corner of its metallic surface peeking out. It was a stunning golden band embellished with a raw emerald gemstone, a piece that felt perfectly suited for you and one that you eagerly anticipated wearing once it had been thoroughly cleaned.

Silver chains, leather strings, sparkling gemstones, and ethnic rings. You cherished collecting these pieces from your travels as mementos, a way to etch every experience into your memory, symbolize your personal growth, and serve as a reminder that you were alive and thriving.

With your bag partially filled with your newly discovered treasures, you gracefully emerged from the cave, feeling the gentle breeze caress your hair. Lost in contemplation, you strolled along the shoreline, your eyes set upon your boots as they sank into the sand, making a satisfying sound with each step.

It took a moment for you to realize that you were no longer alone on the island. Someone stood just a few feet away, observing your approaching figure with a composed expression.

As you finally raised your gaze, your heart started pounding, and a sense of unease coiled in your stomach. Standing before you was Dracule Mihawk, his piercing golden eyes locked on you.

Gradually, your movements slowed until you finally came to a halt. Despite the noticeable distance separating the two of you, he made no attempt to close the gap. His stance exhibited no hint of malice; his hands rested calmly at his sides as he observed you, not even reaching for his sword.

The longer you locked eyes with him, the less inclined you felt to leave. With a subtle smile, you displayed unwavering determination and proceeded to walk forward with confidence. Mihawk remained motionless, offering no indication of initiating combat as you drew nearer, leaving his intentions cloaked in enigma.

You walked past him, deliberately avoiding eye contact and redirecting your attention to the path ahead. Your ears remained vigilant, attuned to the surrounding sounds, making sure that he wasn't closely trailing behind you.

However, shattering the silence, his voice suddenly reached your ears, and you heard him speak for the first time since it all began.

"You are quite challenging to track down.”

You stopped abruptly, clutching the bag tightly on your shoulder. Swallowing hard, you fought to suppress the lump that formed in your throat. His voice, like liquid honey, flowed effortlessly, captivating your attention and exuding a calmness that instantly alleviated your nerves.

You took a deep breath, reluctantly acknowledging that the sound of his voice was stirring emotions within you that you weren't ready to confront at this moment.

You turned around, meeting his golden eyes once again. “Not that much for you, apparently,” you retorted, your words laced with a hint of defiance.

For a brief moment, you caught a fleeting glimpse of the corners of his lips twitching, as if hinting at a smile. However, it immediately disappeared, leaving only a trace of its presence.

"Now what?" you asked him. "Are you finally going to capture me and hand me over? If that's the case, then you'll have to kill me. I won't put up any resistance.”

“Is that so?”

No matter how much you strained to interpret his expression, he appeared remarkably disinterested, showing no signs of engagement or emotion.

You shrugged, "We both know that I wouldn't stand a chance against your sword. The bounty poster states 'dead or alive,' and I doubt they would be concerned about the state I'm in as long as I'm eliminated.”

Casting a fleeting glance at the sword at your hip, he emitted a curious hum, tilting his head slightly to the side, almost imperceptibly. Silence settled between the two of you, accompanied only by the gentle rhythm of the waves, creating a soothing melody that enveloped the atmosphere.

You waited patiently, but he made no indication of taking any action against you.

"Well, that was quite the delightful conversation," you remarked sarcastically, pivoting on your heels and resuming your stride.

As your eyes landed on your boat in the distance, you suddenly realized that the urge to hasten your steps had dissipated. The weariness of constantly running away had taken root in you, leaving you with a profound sense of homelessness, unable to find a place where you truly belonged.

To your surprise, you heard him steadily moving behind you, his footsteps synchronizing with your own in a deliberate and unhurried rhythm. You continued along your path, maintaining silence, a part of you anticipating a powerful strike that would bring you down. However, to your relief, the enigmatic man made no attempt to impede you. Not even a hint of hostility could be sensed.

As your nervousness heightened, you made a deliberate choice to pause, silently inviting him to draw nearer. With caution, your hand moved to release the dagger from its secure holster on your belt. A quick glance at the subtle shadows cast on the sand confirmed that he was now mere inches away, in your immediate proximity.

In one seamless motion, you spun around, positioning your blade against his throat without applying any pressure. It served as a warning, your glare speaking volumes without the need for words.

Mihawk remained unaffected, appearing to disregard the presence of the dagger entirely. Frustration surged, causing you to tighten your grip on the hilt of the knife, your eyebrows furrowing in annoyance.

"Are you seriously planning to follow me around without making a move?" you demanded, your voice tinged with exasperation. "How much longer do you think I can endure this game of cat and mouse?"

"You can lower that knife," he replied, his tone filled with discontent. "I have no intention of causing you any harm.”

As you observed him up close for the first time, you couldn't help but feel a slight infatuation with his striking appearance. His eyes held a captivating allure, his face partially shadowed by the wide brim of his hat, and his dark hair cascading in soft curls at the nape of his neck.

In an effort to regain composure, you cautiously withdrew the blade from his throat, though you kept your hand poised and prepared.

"Didn't the Marines send you after me?" you asked.

"Oh, they certainly did."

"And you're not going to obey the orders?"

Mihawk let out a quiet scoff, looking away from you and briefly gazing upward. "I don't take orders," he stated firmly.

You instinctively took a step back, regarding him with suspicion as your eyes carefully scanned him from head to toe. "They say that the Warlords of the Sea are nothing more than lapdogs of the Government.”

His golden irises locked onto you once more, seemingly a threatening gesture. However, undeterred, you pressed on. "Enlighten me, then. What should I believe? What other purpose could you possibly have in relation to me?”

You allowed your hand to fall to your side, although with a tight grip on the hilt of the dagger. Mihawk contemplated his response, ultimately giving you the most nonchalant look imaginable.

“I’m just killing some time.”

You took a moment to process what he had told you. "I'm sorry, what?" you responded, seeking clarification.

"Although I do find you intriguing,” he added.

You were left speechless, your mouth hanging open. "You don't even know me," you replied with incredulity.

"I’ve seen enough. And I am aware of your reputation.”

Crossing your arms, you took care not to accidentally cut the leather sleeve of your jacket in the process. "What's so intriguing about my reputation?”

Mihawk pressed his lips together before responding, "A woman escaping a base full of Marines, completely unarmed? That's not something you hear every day.”

You rolled your eyes. "Don't tell me you're one of those sexist bastards who think women can't handle themselves.”

"Quite the contrary. Not even most men would be able to escape that situation unscathed.”

You stood there, a smug grin adorning your face as you watched him. It would be a lie to say that it didn't give your ego a significant boost.

But deep down, the memories of those days still twisted your insides. "Who said I came out unscathed?" you retorted. "And this doesn't explain much either. You said you have no intention of handing me over, so what's your motive, Warlord?”

"Perhaps I wanted to personally verify your worth.”

Unable to contain yourself, you let out a soft chuckle, shaking your head in amusement. "In other words, you were bored.”

"I can become quite laidback when I don't have anything interesting to occupy my time," he said casually.

A part of you found him entertaining, but at the same time, his way of speaking to you continued to irritate you. "Well, at least you can afford to be laidback now that your bounty has been cancelled.”

Your retort was filled with venom and resentment, yet once again, Mihawk appeared unfazed by it. "With or without a bounty, I wouldn't do anything differently.”

You started to question the authenticity of the rumors surrounding this man, considering how different he was from your initial expectations. The fact that he hadn't made any aggressive moves towards you made you wonder if there was more to him than met the eye.

Evidently, his immunity with the Government held little importance to him. He exhibited a keenness to discover something, anything, that could captivate his time and attention, disregarding any orders he may have received. He pursued his own interests, driven by personal motivations above all else.

"That's a shame," you murmured. "I'm afraid I'm not as interesting as you may have assumed. The only thing I excel at is disguising myself.”

"You are underestimating yourself.”

"How so?”

"You mercilessly killed a Marine Admiral. You managed to evade all pirate hunters who pursued you and successfully escaped from me multiple times.”

"All I did was survive.”

"And you have been successful in that, so far.”

A heavy sigh escaped your lips as a gust of wind swept through your hair. "Do you know what it's like? To be separated from your family, unable to even reach out to them because you're constantly being chased wherever you go?”

Mihawk remained silent, attentively observing your reaction.

And then, he spoke. "Such are the perils of a life on the open seas, I'm afraid.”

"I made one mistake, and I've been punished in the harshest way possible. How is that fair? They left me with no other choice. I had to do what I did.”

"You don't need to justify yourself to me," he replied calmly, his tone devoid of judgment.

"You say that, yet here you stand. No offense, but why should I place my trust in you?”

As your heart raced in your chest, its strong beats reverberating through your body, you took deep breaths in an attempt to calm yourself down. Meanwhile, Mihawk remained as calm and serene as ever.

"Do as you wish," he said with a casual shrug. "But I must say, you are quite unrefined. Your movements are predictable, and unless you learn to control them, you won't last much longer.”

You raised an eyebrow at his statement, letting out a laugh that was a mix of amusement and surprise. It seemed like a blend of criticism and advice, leaving you intrigued by his words.

"What's this? Now you suddenly want to offer me your help?" you questioned skeptically. "I never asked for your guidance. Whether I live or die is my own concern," you declared firmly.

Mihawk's eyes narrowed, his gaze intensifying as if he were scrutinizing you closely, studying every detail.

"Unless," you continued, leaning forward and bringing your face dangerously close to his, exuding confidence, almost brushing his lips with yours. "-you want to be the one to push me to my limits," you added, your words carrying a daring challenge.

His typically stoic expression, always composed and unwavering, appeared to subtly shift in response to your audacious gesture. You could catch a whiff of his captivating scent, a blend of cologne, sea salt, and earth, filling your senses.

You had to quickly pull away from his taller figure, concealing the faint blush that was starting to creep onto your cheeks.

"What's the final verdict, Warlord?" you taunted. "After all, you were given explicit orders to capture me.”

Your blade made contact with the golden cross he wore around his neck and pressed against his chest, the sound of metal against metal resonating in the air. The open coat he wore left little to the imagination, revealing that he had indeed chosen not to wear a shirt underneath.

You returned to your serious and sincere demeanor, looking up to meet his hawk-like eyes once more. Your stern and courageous facade was starting to waver, but you were determined not to let a stranger see your vulnerability, especially when your life was on the line and his intentions remained uncertain.

You chuckled with amusement as you securely placed the knife back into its holster. What am I supposed to do?" you pondered aloud, more to yourself than to him.

“Grow strong and keep fighting,” he declared. "If you don’t wish to die sooner rather than later. Certainly, it won't be by my hand.”

His words left you speechless, leaving you without a proper answer as he walked past you, now the one departing. You turned around, staring at the intricate details and embroideries adorning his coat. With each step he took, his sword lightly swayed on his back, creating a graceful and mesmerizing motion.

"They won't be pleased with that," you raised your voice, ensuring that he could hear you. This prompted him to pause and briefly turn his head, acknowledging your words.

"They never are," he replied with a tone of resignation before resuming his journey, leaving you behind.

A smile of relief and respect formed on your lips as you reflected on the man who had relentlessly chased you, only to ultimately allow you to go free. Somehow, he perceived something valuable and worthy in you that led him to defy the orders of the Marines, opting for a confrontation that didn't resort to physical violence.

As he became a tiny speck in the distance, you readjusted the bag on your shoulders and set off towards your own ship. A newfound sense of confidence coursed through your veins like never before, propelling you forward into the unknown.

Yes, you had firmly believed that seeing him at that moment would undoubtedly be the ultimate encounter.

Except that it wasn’t.

Go to Chapter 2 ->

#one piece #dracule mihawk #one piece liveaction #opla mihawk #dracule mihawk x reader #mihawk x reader #opla fanfiction

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khaire-traveler · 10 months ago

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Sniffing Out The Bullshit: Spotting Misinformation

Ah, misinformation - the bane of any pagan or polytheist's existence. With information in general spreading faster than the speed of light these days, we must be able to discern when something isn't as true as it claims to be. This post delves into different methods of verifying sources and noticing misinformation. It's, by no means, exhaustive; it's simply meant to serve as a guide for those who may not know how to do discern falsities otherwise.

Spreading misinformation is ahistorical at best and immensely harmful - hell, even deadly - at worst, especially when it comes to physical/mental health and marginalized groups. Misinformation is how conspiracies about "drinking bleach to cure XYZ illness" start (among many other factors, of course). When people listen to the loudest voice rather than the most credible, they are easily misled into believing falsities and spreading those harmful lies to others. It's best to stay accurately informed about topics so that you both know what you're talking about and can't be easily misled by someone with potentially malicious intentions.

Now onto how to actually discern misinformation online. Here is my guide on sniffing out misinformation (numbered for your convenience, but you don't have to go in order):

Are there any logical fallacies in the person's claims? Here is a website that explains each individual logical fallacy. People will often use logical fallacies to twist an argument in their favor, despite having no real evidence of their own. You'll see this a lot within online discourse. I've noticed "appeal to emotion", "strawman", and "tu quoque" are quite prevalent online, especially on this website.

2. Is this fact, opinion, belief, or prejudice? This website offers a good explanation of how to distinguish each. I see people often confusing these with one another, and it contributes greatly to how misinformation is spread. Someone will share an opinion on something historical or historical-sounding, and others will take it as fact. Not being able to differentiate fact from opinion, belief, etc. can lead us to assume someone knows a lot about a topic that they actually know nothing about or are simply not qualified to speak on. Someone who is not a doctor diagnosing people with certainty and conviction is a great example of this and something I see, unfortunately, quite often.

3. Is the source emotionally manipulative? Although WebMD is admittedly not the best source of information, this website discusses emotional manipulation in detail and what to look out for. Believe it or not, people do use emotional manipulation to spread their ideologies and misinformation online. This is actually a form of control often employed by cults. Be on the lookout for anyone who seems to be emotionally manipulating their audience.

4. Is the information claiming to be historically accurate? If so, are they providing any sources? If you're unsure whether or not something has any historical accuracy, I recommend looking it up on Google Scholar. Run the information through a general search as well to see if you can find other sources claiming similar things. Remember that just because the same information appears in an online article does not make it accurate, as some websites are more trustworthy than others. Honestly, I'd recommend reading books by credible authors over looking things up online, but for looking up a random fact, that's not exactly always helpful.

5. Does the source seem credible? Here is a website that provides a guideline for distinguishing credibility. This is probably the hardest question for people to answer when looking into a topic. Websites that have ".org" or ".gov" tend to appear more trustworthy, but keep the website name and the other content present on the site in mind. For example, if a site claims to be historically accurate but also advertises articles about "top ten celebrities who turned their lives around", it is not a trustworthy source. Also, keep in mind the date of the article or website. Is it over ten years old? Five years old? If it seems dated, try to find information on the topic that is a bit fresher. It can be difficult to find newer sources on certain topics, however, as some topics are just not discussed often, even within their field.

6. Are the claims being made UPG (Unverified Personal Gnosis)? Wikipedia defines UPG here. Not everyone will state when something is their UPG or not. A good way to immediately verify a claim is to search it up. Does have any root in the actual history of the deity? If not, do many people still have the same or similar experiences? If yes to the second question, it may be considered an SPG (Shared Personal Gnosis) which is a belief or experience shared between several or many people but is still historically absent overall. Just because something is a UPG also doesn't automatically make it misinformation; it's simply a part of that person's individual practice and belief system. It only becomes an issue when the person with the UPG is masquerading it as full-fledged fact. It's still important to be able to tell the difference between concrete fact and UPG - fact or belief. I feel earlier information covers this topic better, but I figured I'd at least address it more directly.

7. Keep yourself educated. As much as it would be great to not ever have to research things or read more about them, the fact of the matter is that paganism, of any sort, kind of requires some level of research. Even if you are only looking up who a specific deity is and what their domains are, you're still doing research on that deity. For some pagan religions, information is also rather hard to come by. Norse paganism, for example, doesn't have much information on it, mostly due to the fact that it was more oral-based. That's why it's crucial to educate ourselves, at least to some extent, by reading educational books and articles or even researching ancient art, ensuring that we don't fall into the traps of misinformation by, hopefully, already knowing the answer ourselves. If we already have the base knowledge required to debunk something, then we're less likely to be tricked. However, we can't know everything about every pagan religions, and some religions, such as Greek/Hellenic paganism, have A LOT of information about them, to the point where it can be overwhelming. Regardless, knowledge is power, and the more you know, the more power you have over misinformation when it rears its ugly head.

I hope that fellow pagans and polytheists alike are able to find use in this post. It took a lot of work to make, but my goal is to hopefully help people stay educated and avoid misinformation. I'm sure it's not perfect, but nothing is. I wish the best for you all. Take care, and thank you for reading. <3

#helpol #paganblr #hellenic polytheism #hellenic pagan #pagan #pagan tips

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mis-on-au · 2 months ago

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Excerpts from the interview with Vallo Kirs (Kaspar Kordes)

Q: Why did you decide to take part in the filming of "Klass" ?

❝ Exactly one year ago, Gerda Kordemets sent an email to those who took part in the school's theater festival, offering the opportunity to participate in Ilmar Raag's new film project. It seemed appealing and interesting!

Q: You played Kaspar's role in the movie. What's his personality?

❝ Kaspar's character as he is presented in the film was created at the Koonga film camp in Pärnumaa.

He is an honest country boy, who came here to study at school from a small town of Antsla. Kaspar is a young man with a strong sense of honor, who is quite articulate, but often clashes with the others in the class. He is used to work in the countryside and get paid for it, but studying in the city he has to stand up for himself and his beliefs.

Q: How similar are you and Kaspar?

❝ I chose this role precisely because we share much in common. I also often argue with other people, however I would like to have Kaspar's good personality traits that made him the morally upright person we see in the movie.

Q: What was special about making this film?

❝ The process of making this film was very interesting and quick. The film had a small budget and was shot every day for two weeks. There were almost no days off, and it happened that some scenes had to be played in a mentally and physically exhausted state, so that it looked as real as possible.

Sometimes, during acting and filming, I had to go through things that before I've only seen from the outside, and that, I must admit, is an experience in itself.

Q: Based on comments from Ilmar Raag, the movie may frighten many viewers. Do you have any comments?

❝ Yeah, in the film camps we discussed topics related to school violence. Lauri Pedaja, who played Anders, even made a video about incidents related to it. If a student got hit in the face just because he is different from the others, it shows that something is wrong. In the film, Joosep was a problem for the class, which is actually like a mini-model of society. If someone is different or special, there is always a possibility of conflict. And a class will listen to its leader because his opinions are respected.

Q: Who is the target audience for the movie?

❝ The thinking youth, I believe. However, it would be a good educational film for schools, but only if it's followed by a group discussion. This movie should make people think about the fact that violence begets violence, but it's not the way problems should be resolved.

#klass 2007 #kaspar kordes #vallo kirs #ilmar raag #interview #movie blog

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thenightfolknetwork · 1 year ago

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There are… strange things happening to my body. I heard from some of my friends that I should come to you for things like this. Sorry if it’s a bit oddly worded, I’ve had to rewrite this quite a bit.

You see, I’m used to having the ocasional astral spell, leaving my body from time to time while I nap and waking up an hour or so later to find my body right where I’ve left it. But recently, these spells have been getting quite a bit longer. And someone has seen fit to move into my body while I’m out.

I’ve heard of this sort of thing before, shared vessels and all that. But I never asked for a bodymate, let alone gave them permission! You see, my new bodymate is a refugee from their dimension. They jumped into my body since it was the first they could find unoccupied at the time, and apparently it’s rather similar to the one they used to have at home. I’ve left notes around, and they’ve written back, and for a while we had a somewhat tedious agreement over who could control the body when. I control it during the daytime, and them at night, simple as that. We both take frequent naps as our schedule allows, so our body doesn’t get too exhausted.

However recently, they’ve been a bit of a “controller-hog”, so to speak. I’ll settle down for a nap in my bed, only to wake up on the couch watching some bad medical drama. I hate medical dramas. But the worst thing by far was when I woke up three days ago with blue hair. Blue HAIR. My hair has never been blue, nor have I ever dyed it, or even had hair dye in my home!

I immediately wrote several very stern letters to my bodymate. I had hoped that maybe over the next few nights, we could have hashed something out together. But today I woke up with a NOSE RING. What’s next? Some cheap tattoo?!

I’ve tried writing this letter SO MANY TIMES, but each time I’ve been “dozing off” and waking up with my finger pressed conveniently to the backspace button. I’ve tried so hard to get them to leave, but they simply refuse. What do I do?!

Reader, this is absolutely appalling behaviour. It is never acceptable for a bodymate to make changes to the shared vessel without the permission of all inhabitants, and their blatant disregard for your wishes proves them to be as unscrupulous as they are rude.

The fact this person is a refugee from another dimension does not give them the right to treat your shared body with impunity. Quite apart from the violations of changing the body's appearance without your agreement, there are the very real health risks involved.

After all, if your body doesn't get enough rest because one of its occupants sees fit to sit up watching medical dramas, you will both suffer the physical consequences.

Usually I am the first to advocate for communication and compromise. But in this situation, I think your bodymate has shown they are not interested in negotiation. The time for rationality and reason has passed. You must take direct action.

There are two options available. If you are not particularly attached to the body itself, you could always cede possession and take up residence in another vessel.

Many people consider such a change to be a refreshing change of perspective. You might choose a vessel at random, find a volunteer online, or indulge in having a custom body created for you by a professional matter consultant.

Just be sure to update your identity documents and paperwork before making the jump. There are ways to prove your identity in the case of corporeal eviction and so on, but it can be a lengthy and uncomfortable process and is far best avoided.

Alternatively, if you have a particular affection for this vessel, I'm afraid you're going to have to put your foot down. At a time when you are in full control of the body, speak to a trusted friend and establish a way of communicating to them whether or not the person in control of the body really is you. A code word will do, or a reference to a shared memory. Anything your new bodymate will be unable to guess.

Then, you need to call in the professionals. Exorcism has an understandably poor reputation in the community, but it remains the most effective way to handle unwanted guests.

Find a licensed practitioner to perform the ritual, and book them for a time and place of your choosing. You'll also need to give them the contact details of your trusted contact, to check whether the ritual was successful or not.

Finally, at the allotted time, tell your bodymate that you are ready and willing to take drastic measures to protect your boundaries. There is a chance they will take your threat seriously, and agree to either vacate your body of their own volition or to treat your shared space with more respect.

Given their behaviour during the writing of this letter, however, I think it far more likely they will respond with aggression. Brace yourself. They will very probably try to wrest control of the body and suppress your influence entirely. Let them – your exorcist will be on hand to manage the situation.

Once your bodymate has been safely transferred into temporary storage, the rest is up to you. The most ethical choice is to find a willing alternative vessel and having your bodymate transferred to them as soon as possible. Alternatively, safe release into a crowded public area is often included in the price of an exorcism, with a small surcharge if you want to choose the target area yourself.

Banishment to another realm entirely will cost significantly more. Besides, even without the concerns about keeping them from accidentally going back to the realm they just left, crossplanar banishment is considered rather gauche.

You don't need to decide right away. Once your headmate is removed, they will be able to remain in the storage container for up to a week with no harmful effects. It will be rather boring for them, but frankly I'm inclined to think they deserve a little time to sit on the mantelpiece and think about what they've done.

[For more creaturely advice, check out Monstrous Agonies on your podcast platform of choice, or visit monstrousproductions.org for more info]

#answered #the nightfolk network #monstrous agonies

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the-dalseum-duet · 24 days ago

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starlight revival arc?

BRINGING BACK STARLIGHT. BRINGIN THAT SHIT BACK BC I’M TIRED OF DALSEUM I’M SAILING AWAY BYE GUYS

um. because I think you would enjoy this somewhat tag @svwhssftr

I feel lowkey bad just tagging you in random shit but sometimes I forget. it’s okay for friends to talk to each other actually. it’s okay to like things and share them. it took me seventeen and a half whole years to realize that I think. cringe is dead. and you can literally just ignore this too that’s also a possibility bc I jus ignored your call bc I’m absolutely exhausted and I do not want any actual human interaction for the next week. I don’t want to return to school tmrw but I must. Sigh. Anyway NEW LORE YAY!

Starlight is one of my favorite projects I’ve ever worked on. probably second to reflections and closely followed by Seong and Adam’s dynamic in the original sv (nope I will never ever be over them ever. he was everything she never was to him and By God HE KNEW IT) but the aesthetics are All Over The Place. The plot is actually cohesive (if I trim some shit down) which is rare for me now. Nowadays I just slap shit down and say “there’s a plot underneath all of this unnecessary symbolism and descriptions of gaudy outfits I prommy!!” but NO MORE! NO MORE OF THAT

so we’re making the whole thing cohesive and changing the god-awful character names tonight

Let’s start with our main character, now named Indy

this name choice is still… idk. I’m torn between Indy and Robin… but I used to have a character named Robin so I’m not sure. though I feel like Robin is an objectively better name (coming from the bitch who names half of her characters after birds though) but I like Indy a lot in the sense of the story overall.

bc her original name was Azure (which is fine but I hate it… debating keeping it) but she was nicknamed Spade because of a spade-shaped birthmark on her shoulder. Keeping with the blue theme, I think her full name should be Indigo but she goes by Indy, and her husband (who is so goated we get to him later though) nicknames her Ace because of her birthmark.

ok onto the plot stuff we don’t gaf abt this bitch’s name

The world of Starlight has an actual magic system. Crazy stuff! I created a decent magic system that doesn’t involve stupid blood rituals and “just because this character is this character xyz can happen.” (coughcoughRONNIEcoughcough) It goes a little something like this

Humans can be one of three things- cursed, charmed, or neither. Curses and charms are extremely similar, and they’re fairly common. I’d say 50% of the population has one of the two, with 75% of that 50% being “charmed.” Charms and curses are magical powers that a person can be born with at random. They’re often an omen for the personality of the charm/curse-holder, kind of like a zodiac. The only real difference is that curses physically harm the user when used.

There are four levels of charms/curses.

Level 1- Basically party tricks. They barely drain any energy from the user and can’t be used to cause major harm. Elio’s charm “light” falls under this category

Level 2- Majority of curses/charms are level 2. They take quite a bit of energy to perform, and they could do some potential damage. Can be very useful if harbored correctly. Archie’s charm “flora,” and Mari’s curse “ink” both fall under this category.

Level 3- Very risky and hazardous to use. Or ridiculously OP in the opposite direction. They drain enough energy from the user to knock them out for a few hours. Thorn’s curse “flame” and Rose’s charm “heal” fall under this category.

Level 4- By far the rarest type of curse/charm. This can change the trajectory of lives, and they can only be used a handful of times throughout the holder’s lifetime. Using it only once will sometimes cause death. Indy’s charm “starlight” and Hope’s charm “amore” fall under this category.

Charms and curses are signified by colored eyes. For example, Elio’s eyes are golden, Thorn’s are red, Hope’s are pink, etc. They’re not insanely noticeable. Just like… tinted.

Indy lives on an unnamed continent separate from anything else I’ve written. Their stories are kind of like folklore in the grand Lore universe. It’s separated into three currently unnamed parts- the north, which has a culture similar to Western Europe (France, Italy, Germany, etc.) and the south, which has lots of South and Latin-American influences, mainly Mexican. To the East is another kingdom full of mountains based on Northern Africa and Southeast Asian countries like Nepal and Libya. Indy is from a town near the border of the north and south regions, where the overall culture is similar to the 1980’s in style, trends, etc. Except racism and homophobia aren’t really a thing I feel like I get pretty deep into that in Dalseum already.

Indy Simon, whose family is mainly from the northern region, is dating her girlfriend Marigold Martinez, aka Mari, whose family is mainly from the southern region. They’re probably around 14-15 years old. Little baby high school sapphics. They get along really well. They love each other as much as two fifteen year olds can. They go on adventures through the woods and such. Average girlfriend things.

Until Indy accidentally activates her charm in a dream/vision-type-thing. Her charm physically shifts the position of the stars, which is essentially time travel because the rest of the earth shifts along with it. She sees her death at the hands of Marigold, shot in the heart on a balcony.

But young Indy is quite observant and crafty. She notices the patch on the chest of Mari’s coat is the seal of the southern region, and she notices the woman beside her corpse— her mother— is wearing one with the northern region’s seal. She overhears someone by Mari say “if the war wasn’t over, it’s sure as hell over now”

She wakes up in pure panic because WHAT THE FUCK?? WHAT THE FUCK

and what does she do next?? I know. But you don’t. I need to sleep. Tune in next time ig

#divider by cafekitsune #starlightposting #lesbians and time travel hell yeah bitch #and history… just wait… Just Wait…#shit gets craaaazy #it’s like a soap opera for mentally ill prestigious teenage dykes

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manonamora-if-reviews · 1 year ago

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The Archivist and the Revolution by Autumn Chen

============= Links

Play the game See other reviews of the game See other games by Autumn

============= Synopsis

A woman alone in a dying city, on a dying world. What will be left when it all falls apart? The Archivist and the Revolution is a slice-of-life/romance/history simulator set in a far-future sealed city that has undergone cycles of destruction and revival. You play as Em, a middle-aged woman who is no longer an archivist, as she struggles with rent payments, chronic illness, and the remnants of past relationships.

============= Other Info

The Archivist and the Revolution is a Dendry* game, submitted to the 2022 Edition of the IFComp. It ranked 4th overall. *Autumn is also an unofficial maintainer of the Dendry format.

Status: Completed Genre: Science Fiction, Slice-of-Life, Romance

CW: optional sexual content, illness, death, transphobia, homophobia.

============= Playthrough

First Played: 6-Oct-2022 Last Played: 05-Aug-2023 Playtime: around 2h (multiple endings) Rating: 5 /5 Thoughts: Some glimmer of hope in a post-apocalyptic dystopian future...

============= Review

This is a Post-Comp Version review. Also maybe biased because I really like Autumn's work.

In a far future, after centuries of conflict, the Earth's population has been reduced to small communities stuck inside arcologies (city domes). In one of them, lives Em, an Archivist (sorta), trying to survive the best she can (sorta), and maybe (re)form relationships to better her situation. Throughout the game, you must ensure Em is on top of her duties and health.

Spoilers ahead. It is recommended to play the game first. The review is based on my understanding/reading of the story.

As with her other Dendy games, A&R works in layers. On the surface, it is a resource management game, where your savings, energy level (hidden), mental and physical health (hidden) must be minded when organising one's day or spending. While you have agency in this, how far you can go with the different actions will depend on whether you've unlocked certain storylets, or Em's current health at the time. Since she has chronic issues, you won't be allowed to churn through hundreds of files for your job, or even do anything at times.

Underneath, two other mechanics come to play: the relationship/storylet aspect with Em's old acquaintances, and the archiving loop, Em's job. Both will affect Em's survival (savings/health) and the ending of the game. The first is relatively similar to Autumn's previous Dendry games, in which a side-story will be parsed throughout the game, requiring the player to meet specific characters multiple times to uncover the story at large. In this game, clearing more than one path in a playthrough is quite doable. The latter is a mechanic I had not really seen before in an IF game, but one I enjoyed greatly. Your job entails decrypting and archiving files, each with a specific code (hint hint), requiring to be either placed in a specific slot or discarded (or you can keep it for yourself). Combing through the documents were quite fun.

The first time I played the game, I thought I could survive all on my own, leaving past relationships where they were, focusing only on my job and keeping myself afloat. I remember it being incredibly stressful (I almost cried when Em was on the brink of eviction). Everything felt hopeless, and the almost-clinical-at-times prose, as well as the UI, accentuated that feeling.

This time around, I followed Autumn's advice and shamelessly begged my acquaintances for money. I didn't want to recreate that very anxious feeling I had the last time - and wanted to see what else I had missed. Indeed, it was much less stressful to go through. I didn't really have to worry about money (thanks A-), I didn't have to exhaust myself with work, and I could explore more different facets of Em's life (her past relationships, herself, how she had to navigate the world). The world is still wretched, but there is more hope. You almost believe that surviving through it is... doable.

The storylets manages to offer a bit of levity in this wretched world, in which Em can find a community helping others, rekindle her relationship with a (re)closeted trans person, rekindle her relationship with her ex who you had a child with. In (re)making connections, you can learn more about your past and how you (don't) fit in this world. You can go on a date, cook with someone, spend time with your child... have a "normal" life. I quite enjoyed how grounded and raw these storylets felt. They, at times, seemed like a commentary on our present, with the tribalism of social media, the lack of trust in the news, the grueling life under capitalism, and the treatment of transfolks. Strip away the sci-fi/post-apocalyptic future, and they could could be right at home with our current time. I still hated the news part... its description changing the 'a form of self harm' was on point considering the comments...

Even if you don't interact with anyone, you can still learn about the world and your place in it through the notes (essentially a Codex page) or DNA files you decode. From old recovered chats between yourself and other characters, science articles, old journal entries, and documents regarding the Arcology's founder - Liana -, you can build together a bleak image about the world, the state of the environment and human condition, filled with disenchantment and conflict. Depending on what you do with your day, you may find some Easter Eggs, like the TV Series you can watch or the Games you can play, little winks to Autumn's other games. Some characters of the game, made obvious by their names, share a resemblance to ones from the Pageantverse.

With the implementation of the Autosave, I was able to reach a lot more endings than the first time around, especially less bleak ones, without having to replay the game. Those endings are highly dependent on the actions you took during the game, some being sweet (especially with K-), some being maybe critical (imo A-'s, Alone), and one specifically blew my mind (Ending 1 - didn't find before). Ending 1 is by far the most interesting one in my book. While it might seem a bit like a Deux Ex Machina or coming from out of nowhere (depending on your playthrough it may feel like a whiplash), it is the one that has not left my brain since I've replayed the game - maybe because of how strikingly different it is from the others. I think this ending might work best if connections with other characters were not made. It also made me wonder whether Em's life would have been that different if her arcology was still in contact with the others, or whether contact was severed between all arcologies. Honestly, it brought a lot of questions about the world after reading through (sequel of Ending 1, when?).

I don't know if there is a point or a moral to the game. If I were to give one to it, it would be that communities are important for people to thrive, maybe even necessary, and that the world can be a very difficult place when you keep to yourself, worse when your situation is dire in the first place. Even if it seems bleak, there is a glimmer of hope and goodness there...

============= Old Review

Can we code DNA to make data storage?

I enjoy Autumn’s games and (re-)played all her other publications this year (after being introduced through A Paradox Between Worlds). So I was excited for her entry this year too!

Although it is supposed to be placed in a bleak almost apocalyptic future, there seems to be references to some sort of post-Covid period, the current inflation (especially housing) and the treatment of transpeople. Or at least this was the vibe I got from it. A strong feeling of almost hopelessness oozes from the prose (though you can end with a more hopeful/positive ending if you play it right). I almost cried when I didn’t make the rent and saw the amount just jump…

Like Autumn other games, there is a focus on the relationship between the different characters and on MC’s conditions (mental and physical). It is a bit hard to go through (the trigger warnings are warranted) but it does offer an interesting exploration on how to survive when your situation looks this dire. The news items are heart-breaking… but I hated the comments even more.

The Archiving mechanic is really interesting. Reading each file (some being contemporary pieces) as if they were bits and pieces from an ancient time is disturbing (but in a good way). The filing section is simple when you get the hang of it, but it does its job as it’s supposed to. I don’t know if this has been mentioned in the other reviews but: the code for the DNA strings are related to which category you are supposed to file it in and or the origin of the document, W being wikipedia. If you ever wanted to make the filing more difficult, you could add subsections to each categories

But, when you take into account the small resource management (you being the resource to take care of), the simplicity of the archiving makes things a bit easier to go through. I think I would have liked some sort of “action points” or “energy level” bar to see how much more I could do that day (but that is almost the only issue I have with the game, and it’s not even an issue really).

The inclusion of a walkthrough is very welcomed, as each ending requires widely different paths to take. I also liked the background changing depending on where the character was physically (outside, in the room, working…) and the way the pictures were edited enhances the feeling of things not being quite right.

I also like the small link between this entry and the previous games (which was made obvious to me by following the progress of this game on the author’s personal blog)

Overall, this was a great entry, and I hope our future is not as bleak as this one.

#The Archivist and the Revolution #Autumn Chen #interactive fiction #complete #2022 #dendry game #anti romance jam #review #ifcomp

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rotblume · 10 months ago

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y’all wanna hear something funny ?

the thing is, when others “complain” about any aspect of me living with Non24, it’s - naturally really - usually the hypersomnia part they focus on (e.g. sleeping till noon and missing out on things during the day) .. and that is a real nuisance, the main reason for my “certified disability attest” is missing like 35-50% of the life going on around me, but for me, the insomnia part is almost worse: being exhausted, tired, but not sleepy and instead physically unable to fall asleep during the night

yet another funny thing?

for months and months on end and this over years, by now almost a decade, I have - not quite willingly, and before my diagnosis not even quite knowingly, but intentionally all the same - ignored my body’s signs that it needed rest - so that I could go to school and sit in Uni lectures before the diagnosis; so that I could take care of my terminally ill Ma even after understanding what’s “wrong” with me - and so by now, it happens far too often that I simply don’t even notice the signs because I have trained myself to deal with it - in a similar way that I have managed to build up an already high pain tolerance to an even higher pain tolerance because of chronic pain .. though there are also still more than enough days &/ nights where it's the pain that's keeping me awake ..

anyway, here comes the insomnia-part of my whole Non24 shtick into play: if I don’t use the sleep window that opens - the time where my body wants me to sleep - ‘cause I don’t even recognize its existence, it just closes up again and I have to wait another day for the next opportunity to fall asleep - and hope I don’t miss that chance as well ..

that’s why - only a week after my last (at least partially intentional) 60 hour shift cause of an important Uni workshop - I am preparing for a long day to become a (far less intentional) 35-40 hour episode of “I can′t get no sleep” after too many hours awake for the day, realizing 'I must have missed my latest sleep window, cause I was focusing on something else' .. or mayhaps I am currently back in the mindset of "not wanting to sleep because I'm afraid to miss my Ma needing my help and I cannot allow that" as I'm subconsciously just waiting for some bad news from yet another, my next closest, family member currently suffering serious health problems

I'm getting too old for this stuff - and I'm only in my mid-twenties ..

10 years ago I could handle 2-5 hours sleep per 24 hours, 5-6 days a week for months over years; even 5 years ago, I could semi-regularly deal with 2-3 days only on caffeine and power naps, and generally needed much less sleep, instead fueled by concern and grief and pain

now, I'm exhausted .. and I'm tired, is the thing .. but: I am not sleepy

so I can just as well scream into the void and silently rant, for rage is simpler than tears

#invisible disability #non24 #idiopathic insomnia #idiopathic hypersomnia #chronic pain #mental health #self care

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subiysu-chan · 4 months ago

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I literally don't even know why, maybe it's just the art style but all the Sansons are so gorgeous for executioners. Like, your whole life being surrounded by such a grim and rotting environment while also killing people for a living...

THAT all must put a person in such great stress where they're constantly suffering from insomnia, trauma, depression AND the smell of corpses yet despite it all for some reason- they're still so perfect?? It's the 18th century, NO ONE'S GONNA BE SQUEAKY CLEAN OR HAVE PROPER HYGIENE PRACTICES especially for third estate France.

All that mental and physical exhaustion will reflect on a person's appearance sooner or later but NO! I mean one has her hair basically defying gravity and physics, and one is basically 50+ and still hasn't aged besides growing a bit of white hair, and there you have paralyzed muscle man, Jean Baptiste. Not a wrinkle in sight! Their hair is so luscious smooth, perfect bodies and perfect faces (Maybe some of them apply makeup...)

What do you think each of the Sanson's self-care is like?

I mean, we all know that ONE disturbing thing Jean Baptiste likes to do in his free time... but we don't talk about that. I feel like Charles wouldn't prioritize hygiene or mental health care on top of his list much unless his wife won't stop fussing about it. And Marie might enjoy her tobacco, skillfully stealing it from the Sanson storage cabinets even back during her younger days and possibly have Andre as her CONSTANT hairstylist.

I dunno, any hcs on how they groom themselves in terms of appearances or have any guilty pleasures they like to indulge in?

Lemme knoww <3

Now, I think part of that is artistic stylization.

Historically, Charles-Henry was known for a more rigorous hygiene than his contemporaries.

Innocent Charles, I headcanon he has hyperpigmentation around his calves. Jean-Baptiste, as a kid and teenager, probably had cadaverous buttocks, same for Nicolas-Gabriel. In the Mémoirs, he is described as having snow-white hair due to premature aging.

The being surrounded by corpses thing can be interpreted as a form of hygiene, a crude and rudimentary form of vaccine. Some social classes had the practice of using rotting rib cages, human or bovine, as baby cribs. Many viruses and bacteria don't survive decomposition. That said, it would likely be washed out afterwards. Charles as baby probably found the experience somewhat traumatic and rebelled as soon as he could (not much he could protest as 5 month old wrapped baby), resulting in necrophobia from 2 to 11. Suffice to say Jean-Baptiste had a field day introducing him to dissection.

Charles would be a rigorous washer in cold water.

Jean-Baptiste was subject to similar treatment at around the same age, but him as a baby mostly enjoyed it, and would only cry after the rotting blood started irritating his skin.

Jean-Baptiste would probably enjoy cold-water baths. He tried a warm one once, after being as a 10 year old beaten particularly brutally by a rival. It made him quite sick. He claims to prefer cold water because austerity, but in fact the experience traumatized him enough that he gets violently sick if warm water touches his back, buttocks, belly or legs.

They probably have an ashy complexion. André has the most realistic haircut.

#Gross #ew #jean-baptiste sanson #famille sanson #Sanson

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enbyfallenfromthedeadstars · 5 months ago

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(cut because this post is quite long, it continues after)

⟡

Politic, as an autistic person (at least me) is exhausting. Incomprehensible. Full of shame.

I tried to understand it but I CAN'T. I don't get the difference between all the similars sides, why we have to read their tract and vote for one or another if it's public knowledge they all lie in their promises at some point and will not do what they were chosen for. I don't get the rivalries, who the contestant is linked to, how it can really impact my country and the world. I don't get what's playing behind the curtains.

I'm unable to choose and make myself an opinion. To find what I want in their programs. To even KNOW what I want because how it can happens is way outside of my comprehension. How it can be done. My head's full of concepts, fights and ideals that I never see through their words. And if I do, it's from a political group so little it's useless to give them my vote.

No matter what I do it's never the right one. Always ashamed. I read their tract, vote and then learn the one I chose has a relation with the extremists conservatives and doesn't believe in a genocide in Palestine. Not leftist enough with my friend, too much of an anarchist for my family. I'm always anxious talking about it because I know I lack knowledge on contestants, and that I can't learn everything about them before voting. That I PHYSICALLY can't searching informations about it because my brain refuses, doesn't let me concentrate, by how much it repulses me and is outside of my world's vision, no matter if I want to be invested. That I have to trust what I know is lies. And I always feel like I'm betraying myself.

I try, I fucking try ! I want to be a part of the change, I want to fight for our rights, voting being the only occasion – with social media and talking with people – for me to do it, my medical conditions not allowing me to go to protests. It's important, it's my duty but how the fuck can I do it right ?! Right for the environment, the minorities, the animals, the homeless and people under bombs ?? I must vote, I vote, but fuck I don't understand a bit no matter how much I try. Way too much unsaid, way too much subtext and secret alliances changing their whole politic program. Way too much inconsistent. Way too much liars.

Paradoxically, I have strong opinions. I'm political invested in a way where it's not linked to the voting box. I talk about feminism, environment, child labor, genocide, racism, queer rights, ableism... I'm informed about it, I read books and papers. Like a lot of autistic people, I have a well developped sense of justice. I am outraged, I militate at my own level. But it's never enough and I know it. It's never enough because I'm not administratively, physically active. Against my own will.

Politic, as an autistic person, is exhausting. It wasn't made for people like me, wasn't improved for people like me. It's like being in a hardcore version of the real world, where you already struggle to understand what's around you. I understand the importance, I'm totally for it – democraty concept is pretty cool – but I also know I'll never do as I have to. As we expect me to do. Politic drain me, all my fucking energy is used to make me the most neurotypical person possible for some days. I have to. I have a voice, I have a vote. I do it. Not seeing the importance of politic is a sign of privileges, a sign that you don't need to fight for your life, that you're not empathic enough with others. But I know I'm unable to use this voice right. Fucking hell.

#politics #political elections #neurodivergence #neurodivergent #autism #autistic #autistic vent #deadstars autistic

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deathgamegirl · 6 months ago

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A.Iris AU Masterpost

So since I'm actually getting really invested in my protagonist Iris AU, I figured it'd be nice to have all the relevant information in one place. (Also so that I'm not clogging up the tag with sketches and whatnot). Under the cut is pretty much everything related to this AU, and this post will be updated when I come up with new things. I'm also hoping to have this AU fully realized as a fanfic or something similar in the future.

The AU contains major spoilers for the first AITSF game and mild spoilers for the second. There are also spoilers for the AU itself, if that's important to you.

Without further ado, here's the AU:

Main Characters

ABIS Members

Iris Sagan - 24 - She/Her - Rookie ABIS Agent

Iris Sagan is a detective fresh out of college who shows incredible promise. The moment that she learned about ABIS, she begged her mom to let her intern for them, thinking that it was like some kind of secret society. Her memory from before she graduated high school is kind of spotty, but she's chalked it up to her scatterbrained nature and neurodivergency. Though, if she's to be honest, she sometimes wonders what she's forgotten...

OTA - AI-Ball - He/It

OTA's name is short for Optical Technology Assistant. He's the first experimental sentient AI, though with him being the first of his kind, he's got quite a few… quirks in his programming. Even with his intense fixation on technology and otaku culture, however, he's surprisingly level-headed when it counts, and accounts for 95% of Iris's impulse control during missions.

Hitomi Sagan - 43 - She/Her - ABIS Agent & Tech Coordinator

Iris's mother, and the woman who handles the technology side of ABIS. She's the inventor of the AI-balls, maintainer of the psync machine, and robotics enthusiast. Because she lost her right arm in an accident long ago, she uses a prosthetic instead. She loves her daughter dearly, but could she be hiding something from her...?

Mizuki Okiura - 21 - She/Her - ABIS Department Head

Known among the MPD as a "genius among geniuses," Mizuki was thrust into the role of department head without so much as a chance to say no. She graduated from high school and college at a very young age with full honors, and is a "once-in-a-lifetime gifted girl" in both academics and athletics. However, she frequently deals with intense loneliness and imposter syndrome, but refuses to tell anyone about it...

Amame Doi - 24 - She/Her - Maid Cafe Waitress & Rookie ABIS Agent

Amame is a very busy girl. Her family lives below the poverty line, and she has taken it upon herself to provide for them first and foremost. After graduating high school, she immediately went into the workforce, landing a job at Sunfish Pocket and insisting that she be scheduled as many hours as possible (with overtime). Her sense of responsibility is ultimately her greatest strength and fatal flaw, and she's constantly exhausted to the point where it's become the norm for her. After a certain incident unfolds involving Iris, she is hastily recruited into ABIS to assist in the investigation...

KIZUNA - AI-Ball - She/It

Amame's AI-ball partner, who acts as her moral support and physical health monitor. She is a gentle, soft-spoken AI, but is firm and brutally honest when it counts. To Amame and Iris, her humanoid form looks somewhat familiar, but it must be a coincidence, right?

Civilians

Ayuna "Aiba" Imai - 30 - She/They - VTuber

A VTuber contracted with Leminscate, who uses a chubby little hamster character as her online avatar. Her favorite genres to play on stream are strategic simulation, puzzle, and psychological horror. She has a secret love for dating sims, too, but adamantly denies this whenever it's brought up. Her best friend and biggest fan is Date, but there are times where she's overwhelmed by his enthusiasm.

Kaname Date - 40 - He/Him - Salaryman

Date's a pretty average salaryman, all things considered. He works a normal office job that he doesn't particularly love or hate, and is friends with Shizue's parents. However, when it comes to Aiba, he's her most ardent supporter, and stops by Lemniscate whenever he has a day off to hang out with her. They're good friends, having known each other for a number of years, but he can be a bit obnoxious when he gets riled up.

Shizue "Boss" Kuranushi - 15 - She/Her - 9th Grade Delinquent

The de facto leader of Sekiba High's resident girl gang, who insists on being called "Boss". Unsatisfied with both her school and home life, she lashes out against any and all authority figures who try to placate her. But when she's properly respected, she has a surprising amount of emotional maturity, hence why she's the one her delinquent friends look up to. Her parents are the first victims of the Double Death Serial Killings, and she claims to not care that they're dead, but...

Kuruto Ryuki - 29 - He/They - (Former) MPD Detective

Once a (reportedly) exemplary detective in the MPD, after being asked to investigate a suspected cult, he was immediately targeted by the cult's leader and easily indoctrinated on account of his already shaky mental health. He frequently dissociates and experiences intense hallucinations and delusions about the world, insisting that nothing is real and that all of his pain will be wiped away soon. He was only rescued from within the cult a few months ago, and is grappling with the desire to return out of fear that he'll be unsafe outside it. Tama is currently his main support and the one person keeping him from running back.

Tamaki "Tama" Miyu - 33 - She/They - Therapist

A therapist that the MPD specifically sought out to treat Ryuki after he fell into cult propaganda. Tama can be hotheaded, perverted, and indignant at the wrong times, but she takes the health and safety of her patients very seriously. Even off the clock, she frets about her clients, and has taken to doing more and and more research on cult deprogramming late into the night for Ryuki's sake.

Tokiko Shigure - 59 - She/It - Order of % Head

The head of the Order of %, an ideological organization that believes that the world is a simulation, and therefore wishes to control it. Supposedly, by doing so, the members will be able to live however they'd like with no consequences or pain to speak of. The MPD suspects the Order of being an illegal cult, but Tokiko fervently denies any such claims. Considering the current state of Ryuki's mental health, however, it's obvious that she's hiding something...

Culprits

Manaka Iwai - 43 - She/Her - Assassin/Serial Killer

Iris's biological mother, presumed dead as of 24 years ago. Once a kind and compassionate woman, after a near-death experience and being declared missing, she was threatened by the Kumakuras into becoming an assassin for them. Her first target was So Sejima, but only after she killed him did she realize that his three-year-old son was watching, and subsequently adopted him both as a way to prevent herself from being discovered by the police, but also because she didn't want to leave him without any parents. Over the course of many, many years, she's lived in hiding with Saito, and her once-kind heart has slowly become desensitized to the violence she's been forced to commit. Once the Kumakuras began to reform, she fell in with the Order of % and now works for them. She knows that her daughter is out there somewhere, and hopes to find her again so that the three of them can be a family together.

Saito Iwai (formerly Sejima) - 27 - Enforcer/Serial Killer

Manaka's adopted son, who has been reportedly missing since So Sejima's death. He holds no ill will towards Manaka for killing his biological father, and in fact appreciates her dearly, as she genuinely loves him and even lets him kill people with her. The only person that ever got away from him was Iris, who he attempted to kill in a fit of jealousy upon realizing that she was Manaka's "real kid". However, he did manage to gouge out her left eye before she escaped. Like his mother, he works for the Order of %, joining up with them after the Kumakuras reformed.

Somnia

TBA

Plotpoints & Endings

TBA

#ai the somnium files #aitsf #ai the somnium files nirvana initiative #aini #aitsf spoilers #aini spoilers #image id in alt text #there are a lot of characters in here so i'm only gonna tag one #iris sagan #bc she's the protag :)#a.iris au #aitsf au #this is really long goddamn. anyways

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diinferi · 1 year ago

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SPECIES

[POWER USER] You look human, but you are so much more. You wield a single supernatural power, and overall, your physical abilities and potential are at the peak of humanity, likely a bit more. You may pay an additional 200CP to be permitted to buy a second power. You gain a 200CP stipend to be used for the power section only.

ORIGINS

[CIVILIAN] You’re more concerned with living your life, than you are with superhuman power politics. Whether you’re a regular bystander, a killer for hire, or a nobody who just showed up out of thin air, you won’t be the center of attention right out the gate.

PERKS

[FAIR PLAY] It’s an unspoken rule among Power Users that an opponent in their lost form is out of the fight. Similarly, when reduced to a seemingly powerless state, enemies will refuse to finish you off until proven otherwise. Though they may still detain you until your power returns, and you are just as vulnerable to indiscriminate attacks.

[LIFE MUSCLES] Powers are much like muscles. You are able to enhance your reserves of vitality, empowering any abilities fueled by them in the process. This is accomplished by repeatedly exhausting your reserves, similar to hyperextension of muscles. The gains will be substantial, but the effort will push your body and will to the brink.

[WARMTH OF THE LIVING] You have an eye for people, and immense resolve. When you call attention to others hypocrisy, even the abnormally stubborn struggle to refute. The more boldness and consistency you show to prove your points, the deeper they cut. With time, you can thaw the most frigid hearts, or plunge beacons of hope into the depths of despair.

[HUMANITY’S SPECIALTY] No matter what incidents or crimes you or those following your orders cause, you can always count on the media to have your back and cover it all up. Witnesses will keep their mouths shut with even the flimsiest justification, though they may still inform their immediate allies and take independent action against you.

[POWERFUL MIND] For agents like you, education is a convenience at best, and a distraction at worst. You have the intelligence to breeze through college and high-school level education with ease. One of your senses are similarly enhanced, like hearing comparable to a dog’s, or the vision to let you match a master sniper with just a pistol.

[SIDESTEPPING GOD] History clearly shows that the Rare Kind’s Divine Shield is not as invincible as it seems. You are a natural counter to abilities that nullify or drain other powers. You can’t ignore them outright, but you can find any loopholes to exploit, or overpower them with raw force, even if no such weaknesses appeared to exist beforehand.

ITEMS

[SAMURAI SOUL] A simple katana, but unmistakably one made by a true master. This katana is all but indestructible, able to be swung with enough force to cleave through several trees and even concrete, without so much as dulling the blade. Though this won’t let you go toe-to-toe against powers without the skill to utilize the blade’s full potential. Even in the hands of an amateur, it is still quite a deadly weapon to humans.

POWERS

[HOLY BLOOD] A power that allows you to control your own blood outside your body. By Exposing your blood to fresh air, you may control it with your will, and shape it into any form you desire, such as a sword, a whip, a bow and arrow, etc. This power also protects you from the blood loss or anemia it should cause, even with your neck slit open.

DRAWBACKS

None

FUTURE

[MOVE:ON] There is no rest for sinners like us. Your business in this world is done, now you must move to the next. Do you feel regret? Pride? Longing? Do you simply wish that you never have to see such decay again. No matter the world or universe, the evil in humanity is a constant, though perhaps the same can be said for their kindness?

#code:breaker #jumpchain #cyoa #code:breaker oc #file: information #file: jumpchain #file: build #file: text #file: chimamire

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petty-crush · 4 months ago

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“The Unborn” 1991

-a wonderful entry in the “maybe having a baby wasn’t such a good idea” subgenre

-amusingly this is also director Rodman Flender’s first film, so he gets to channel that feeling of nervous excitement and perplexing dread that comes with your first picture

-also having their first shot is cinematographer Wally Pfister, of later “dark knight” trilogy and “inception” fame. He has the goods already, bathing the film in eeriness

-I admit I had to recalculate my brain numerous times during the first ten minutes, reminding myself that Brooke Adams starring and not Karen Allen. Their similarities are surprising

-it occurs to me now how dramatically smart it is to have a pregnant person when featuring a lead often alone by themselves

+it certainly resonates more than with a drunk overcoming addiction. Possibly because the transformation is so visual

-actor James Karen is so good as the doctor who appears pleasant at all times, but is clearly a sinister riptide waiting to erupt

-a big laugh as a woman is seriously skeptical about this lamaze class (the two ladies are not accredited or trained) and when told by the lesbian couple to embrace her femininity, she curtly replies “suck my dick”

-Gary Numan’s score is a supreme addition to the picture. It has a sneaking sense of doom that climbs up our ears

-how uncomfortable in universe must it be to have sex in a wooden rocking chai? Hormones are great

-truthfully I can’t imagine giving up smoking or eating soft cheeses for anyone

-when Allen’s character Virginia is talking about her children’s book of dealing with fear/death/the void, and is suggested to not emphasize that in the interview, I like her response of “but she triumphs over that! She realizes her life is ok”

-later in the actual tv interview, the sheer fake upbeat banality of the host is delightful

-I know others feel different, but put me down in the “crazy” cat lady > exhausted mother scorecard (or better yet a dog)

-Allen is quite good at projecting the fear that her bloodline is defective, and how she worries that she is making something that carries on her worst attributes

-there is nice segment on depression and moving forward as well

-not really explored but nicely hinted at is the divide between wanting a “perfect” child (really, pride for parents) and a child that has physical/learning disadvantages

+ I can imagine a different story about the super solder children fighting the “imperfects”

-this film does not skimp on the gore. The women impaling her own baby bump with a knife is grisly

-more horrifying is the moment where the pregnant lesbian beats her partner to death, and utters the line “you and the baby…I don’t have the love or room for you both”

-I wonder if the part with the cat getting strangled was originally in her sleep or that was added to soften the blow

+her horror when she wakes up is quite effective. As is the raw desperation when she looks for the toy to vainly revive it

-easily one of my favorite moments was when the dad seems the baby and goes “oh my god, it’s hideous!” Then gets stabbed in the eye by the needle

-actor Jeff Hayenga don’t have much to to, but he supplies warmth quite well. His frosty relationship with his mother in law is very satisfying

-the most whacked out moment is when Virginia hears the baby cry (after the abortion), wanders out to the back alley dumpster, and encounters a black little person belly skateboarding

-I love sections like that

-great production design in the lab with the glowing red babies in spheres

+even better when they explode and get mutant baby guts all over the shot doctor

-my only regret is that she should have reality strangled that baby in the sunset scene, but it works well and yeah this era is notorious for sequel teaser stingers

-I had a chuckle when Virginia pulls out a gun. Rare to see a film that is so loved by planned parenthood and the nra

-the great thing about horror is that the heightened situations really bring out the most vivid emotions, and the feelings around birth are really really easy to go delightfully over the top with.

It’s a winning combination.

#the unborn #film #rodman fletcher #new bev #brooke adams #new beverly cinema #james karen

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10-dutchies-12-bicycles · 2 years ago

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(bolded certain words to make it more engaging to read for adhd brains)

ok so. this is all a big fucking mood T_T but i do want to give ppl some hope?

basically (as i said a few mins ago in the replies) i HEAVILY suspect that what i used to call RSD a few years ago, was actually more of a combination of emotional dysregulation (an Actual adhd thing) and post-traumatic stress symptoms (caused by being bullied as a kid, in my case) rather than a separate thing in and of itself

the thing that changed my mind a few years ago was uuhh.... getting PTSD treatment :') which lowkey baja blasted both my RSD and my social anxiety in general into oblivion lol

(note: not all at once, it took a while. but the treatment removed the emotional and physical power that the PTSD/anxiety/etc. had over me. and once the intensity of the emotional aspect of all this bullshit gets decreased, it gets a LOT easier to logic your way out of these kinda RSD spirals)

"but im not THAT traumatized tho????" and general info on how PTS(D) develops:

1. yea thinking that is a big mood huh? T_T

2. developing PTS(D) depends a LOT on everything going on around the traumatic event(s), so for example emotional support from the people around you, your personality, how sensitive you are, also how powerless you felt during the event, if the event keeps happening to you repeatedly, etc. etc.

in my (not-a-medical-professional) opinion, i think that the societal idea of PTSD happening only to for example veterans who lived in awar zone, is just,,,, aarghh its just so much more nuanced than that in real life!!!! ANYONE can experience a shocking (traumatic) event!! and many people do

and even if we're not war veterans.... that repeated emotional hurt over an extended period of time during our childhood sure did something fucky to our brains (and self-esteem) didnt it.... :/

how does EMDR work (or at least for me)

you know how when you think about like. lets say for example the thoughts running through your head when you're experiencing RSD, it scares you? it scares you to think about (possibly) getting rejected, and what if it happens again in the future? thinking about it kinda hurts, its as if youre mentally touching broken glass and getting a cut on your hand, and you reflexively shy away from thinking about That Stuff....

yea sooo...... EMDR rly helped with that for me :') for example in my case, the BIG thing that bothered me was less so a single traumatic event, but the belief that i wasn't worth it, and if i did something """stupid""" and ppl rejected me for it, they'd be completely in the right to do so

which is... pardon my french... a FUCKED UP THING TO THINK ABOUT PEOPLE?????? INCLUDING YOURSELF????? so yea.... :')

anyway here goes:

Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing treatment (EMDR) works by

1. you and the therapist working together to make you remember the traumatic experience(s). this feels intense and scary and it SUCKS

2. the therapist will start waving their hand from side to side in front of your face lol. and you need to stay focused on their movement and try to keep up because the movement is quite fast. (shoutout to my therapist asking me at the start like "is this speed okay?" and i said "actually i must say its a bit too fast for me to follow :/" and she cheerily replied "great!! :D" like,,,, dhsgdjsjhdjsh okay!)

3. because your brain's working memory (i like thinking of it as similar to a computer's RAM) is now dealing with both the intensity of the traumatic memories AND this stupid fucking hand thats moving too quickly UGH

your working memory starts overloading like an old phone battery. it needs to yeet SOMETHING out because overheating uuuhhh. Sucks lol. the hand waving business is more urgent right now, so the thing that gets yeeted out of your working memory is the fear you feel attached to your traumatic memories

4. your working memory gets more and more exhausted, and starts paying less attention to the fear you're feeling. so eventually (at least in my case) your feeling of "wow this is really scary!!! T_T" gets replaced by a feeling of "UGH im so exhausted im literally not even scared anymore PLEASE TELL ME WE'RE ALMOST DONE I JUST WANT TO TAKE A NAP SO BAD" fjsghdjajdgha

but yea basically:

RSD is collateral damage from adhd and shit experiences and anxiety and just,,,, a bunch of shitty brain bullshit soup stuff

but its NOT inherent to adhd, and you DONT have to be stuck with this bullshit the rest of your life!!! EMDR was something that helped me personally, theres ppl in the notes who have other experiences with decreasing the amount of RSD they experience, like taking antidepressants or sth else. heck go take shrooms (safely!!!) for all i care!!! but PLEASE know that its NOT all doom and gloom and you CAN get rid of (at least a part of) this RSD crap 🫂

so yea if this helps just ONE person and gives them some hope or some ideas for things to try in the future or helps them understand EMDR better then like? mission accomplished so far! and feel free to DM me with more questions abt what EMDR was like for me anytime btw!!!

TLDR: getting EMDR treatment really fucking helped me to make my RSD less intense and less frequent, and hopefully y'all might find it interesting to look into as well 👀👉👈

ive made peace with most of my mental illness shit but i need whoever invented rejection sensitive dysphoria to be in hell no matter what

#UGH i want ppl to see this so bad llike i dont need to go viral or anything. but if i can help like. 2 people???? ILL BE SO HAPPY!!!!!!#besties i want us all to heal T_T and just!!!!!!!!!!! also want us all to get subsidized mental health care :') grrrrr but yea!!!!!#look into getting emdr if ure able to!!!!#OK SO ITS NOW LIKE A WEEK LATER AND THIS THING ACCIDENTALLY POSTED FROM MY QUEUE OOPS BUT I EDITED IT NOW ITS FINISHED LOL #mentalhealth #advice #rsd #adhd #emdr #posttraumaticstress #if theres typos then idc its 2:30 am im still loopy from booster shot and i guess im going down w this ship then GFMDHDJDGDJDJF #genuinely tho. hope this helps someone!!! :( 🫂 i know how much rsd sucks and i hope this gives someone a bit of hope for the future yanno #............. i didnt realize how long this post has ended up being sooo.... uuhhh #long post

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englandrecovery · 2 years ago

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Choosing the Right Addiction Treatment Program

The U.S. has a rising trend in addiction treatment that has helped many people make a full recovery. Many of the ideas behind drug rehab regarding the various forms of treatment and how they should be approached are old. There is a constant search for a better way to deal with the problem of large-scale substance abuse.

After an addict has been properly diagnosed, they may be referred or required to participate in a therapy program. There are several basic types of treatment available in the country. Let's take a look at each of them and compare their virtues.

You can also participate in weekly sessions with a group counselor. This is where you meet with others face-to-face or in a circle to discuss your problems. Talk about your current treatment, how you are doing, what your daily progress has been, and so on. Patients often feel content to talk to others and share their thoughts on how they handle treatment. It's also a great way for patients to make new friends and to network with future colleagues.

This type of treatment allows you to get professional guidance and advice from licensed therapists as well as helpful opinions from other members of your group. Role-playing, which involves putting yourself in the shoes of another person to understand their drug use and why is so important in group counseling therapy, is often a useful tool.

A private session with a certified psychotherapist or licensed psychiatrist is another form of counseling. It is similar to group counselling. Although it's more costly than group therapy, it provides a higher level of care. Addiction specialists often go deeper into the patients' emotional and mental state regarding their addiction. Intense counseling fosters close, friendly bonds. The client can then better understand their addiction problem by answering questions like "Why do you self-medicate?" "How do you get the right mental attitude to quit permanently?" and "What can be done to make it right for my family and friends." These questions are crucial to full recovery. Drug addiction is not just about physical cure, it's also about emotional healing. It is also important to understand that a psychiatrist will seek a medical solution first before exhausting the cognitive approach. A psychologist, on the other hand, will listen for the appropriate time and then talk. England Recovery Group

Another type of therapy, which is more flexible and builds trust, is intensive, outpatient therapy (IOP). Patients are free to continue their work outside of rehab and can focus on their normal daily lives. They don't need to be residents at the center. To monitor/track your progress, patients must visit the facility at specific times each week. Detox is not an issue in this type of treatment. Addiction is treated with a mix of individual and group counseling sessions, lasting between 10 to 15 hours per week. Because of its intensity, IOP is generally more effective than individual therapy. Participants should be well-organized and able to live a normal life. They must also be able work, have a family, and still be able visit their rehabilitation facility. For those who enlist in IOP, most rehab centers offer a 12-step program.

The next step on the treatment ladder is partial Hospitalization. Partially hospitalization has been a growing option over the last 20 years. It is cheaper than full residential programs and offers the best of both: inpatient therapy which provides intensive and structured care and outpatient programs that allow for flexible scheduling and lower costs. This approach doesn't increase the risk of relapses, co-existing conditions, or other symptoms.

Inpatient Care is one of the most powerful and effective addiction treatment methods in the "ladder to resolution". An addict must be a resident at the facility. They will participate in daily activities and other programs that are appropriate to their addiction. Psychiatrists and medical personnel evaluate the condition of the addict upon their arrival to the facility in order to determine whether or not prescribed/supplemental medication is needed for their condition. Some addicts experience severe withdrawal pain. To help them, certain drugs can be prescribed to reduce the effects of withdrawal and gradually eliminate their addiction. A quick stop to heroin use can lead to seizures. Prescription drugs and detox are effective in decreasing the desire to relapse.

There are several things that can happen simultaneously in inpatient care. First, inpatient care allows the addict to be away from their home 24/7. This helps calm down the chaos at home. The inpatient program offers the best combination of treatments for addicts due to its 24/7 observation and the ability to work with many professionals and recovering addicts. Many treatment programs and services offer similar care for older people.

#EnglandRecoveryGroup

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009720kakashi · 1 year ago

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narasnooze

Oh, for the love of God, say something. The genuine shocked expression on Kakashi's face wasn't something he'd strangely enough not prepared himself for. But to be fair, he hadn't prepared himself for any reaction since he hadn't thought he'd be so damn honest in the first place. He was a decent liar when he had to be. Why hadn't he lied???? What was done, was done, however, and now he just had to continue on the same route. Besides, he didn't really enjoy lying to Kakashi. It didn't feel right. Why him? Shikamaru began thinking about that question while he also listened. Yes, he was troublesome. But so were Kakashi's other... random suggestions; Kiba and Gai. He slowly shook his head. Everyone was troublesome in one way or the other. And he wasn't after just anyone. The fact that Kakashi was very much still Hokage and would remain so a while longer, was the though part. All eyes were on him. He was never truly left to himself, always having a set of three ANBU around. It must be a heavy weight for him. Shikamaru hadn't quite realised just how frustrating it could be until Kakashi mentioned the ANBU earlier, having witnessed the unlikely pair last night. Kakashi was, as he said, unfortunately used to people talking and raising their outraged opinions. ...He didn't need more of that. And a casual thing with Shikamaru, no matter how careful and secretive they would try to be, would start rumours and more ill-talk about Kakashi, probably. He did not need more of that. So, stop being selfish. Shikamaru stayed silent for a while, eyebrows pulling together ever so slightly as he thought about it all. Why Kakashi? Because... Because they were a bit similar, maybe? Kakashi could almost see right through him. He had done, on many occasions before, at least. And he still accepted him, understood him. There had always been something soothing about that. He knew that he, himself wasn't as desirable but Shikamaru found Kakashi interesting, amusing, safe.. He just liked him. And there was no denying that Kakashi was very physically attractive, as well. But what most drew Shikamaru to him was simply his person. No matter how troublesome he was sometimes. "Everything prior up 'til now has been troublesome. I've managed through all that. I can survive a bit more, I think.. I'm not that fragile." Why him... Shikamaru gently shook his head, shrugged slightly and smiled weakly for a second or two. "I don't know... I'm not worried that you'll murder me immediately, I guess." he eventually said, a hint of amusement at repeating what Kakashi himself had said a bit earlier. "I relax around you, I'm... myself with you. It's nice. It's not exhausting being around you." "...I trust you." The fingers holding onto Kakashi's wrist loosened and lightly slid down his hand, finally letting go. He then turned to where his things were and picked up a second towel to dry off his hair. "I know I'm being selfish, though. I'm sorry. If we're still good, we can leave it at that and move on like we said we'd do this morning, ..if you want."

“Maa I did not say you are fragile ne…I just said that people might talk and I want you to understand what you might get yourself into. I mean you wanted to drown yourself because of the ANBU and they do not talk so…” he replied.

The comment made him smile.

“Gai wouldn’t murder you either…he might serenade you though…or propose…maybe Gai is not the casual affair guy after all…I’ll stop throwing names now.” This was after all not how attraction worked. He could be himself…It was quite a compliment really. Kakashi’s gaze dropped and he even flushed a little. He was not good at hearing things like that either.

Then Shikamaru turned and backpedaled…of course he backpedaled. Kakashi sighed, shook his head and turned to get dressed as well.

“That was that then…since you always backpedal and do not go through with it anyway I really could have spared myself the naked speech ne?” He put his clothes back on, including the mask and sat down for his boots.

“I still have the stack of reports from Thursday I have to go over so I’ll head to the Hokage tower to finish up ne.”

He was a bit behind on his paperwork. There had been far too many appointments he had had to attend the previous week. He also had to go over some intel.

Kakashi got up gave Shikamaru a pat on the shoulder.

“It’s for the best ne…see you later” he said and just like that he apparently had managed to avoid another situation that might have required him to open up a bit himself. Excellent.

narasnooze

True. Very true. He didn't appreciate surprise grabs, either. Yet, he did not let go. He didn't let go the first time Kakashi indirectly asked him to, nor the second time. Nor the third. He didn't hold him tightly, but his fingers were still hooked around the wrist. Let go. But it's warm.. 'I'm your boss, I'm twelve years older,...' Well, quite frankly; I don't actually care. It's nothing. And you're also a friend to me. 'Even if you.. I shouldn't have.. I'm sorry for...' "Please, don't be." he said, but fast and quiet. Perhaps thinking he only thought the words as the previous ones. But he remained silent for the remaining words of Kakashi while listening, going over sentence by sentence twice in his head in an attempt to make himself understand what on earth he, himself, was thinking. Because simply, Kakashi was right. He was fine, but then, why was he not leaving it behind? He was fine. Kakashi was fine. So why wasn't he... fine? Idiot. Because being fine and leaving it be with a shrug meant no– "More. Again. Sometime." he said, swallowing. In his head there were longer, more understandable sentences, but apparently only simple sparse words would have to do. "No strings attached. Casual." What did he want? Well, something nice, safe and warm, but uncomplicated. To not always be alone in the dark. It hadn't been the bed, after all. However, what he wanted was selfish. Kakashi probably did not want it, Shikamaru was sure. Though, he should stop assuming things... It was quite rude. But it also very rude to think he'd want to repeat the previous night. At any case, he'd been able to be a bit more honest now. It was out there. His words had been spoken. No turning back now.

Shikamaru continued keeping his wrist hostage. Though it was not a firm grip. Nothing Kakashi could not have pulled out easily. He didn’t though.

Eventually he was done with his little speech. The reply he got then was absofuckinglutely not what he had expected to hear.

“Hm?….Excus…wha..what?” he asked sheepishly, tilting his head to the side. Nah…he could not have heard that right could he? After all he was getting old, his hearing was probably getting really bad. Ok...since Shikamaru was following up with…’no strings attached…Casual’ he probably had heard right.

He just stood there, unmoving, staring at Shikamaru. What was he supposed to say to that!? That there was attraction had become very clear last night. It was equally clear that this was just a very bad idea. Maybe under different circumstances but then what circumstances?… Preferably the ones where I’m not his boss at least …his brain offered helpfully. Unfortunately with that logic he could not have sex at all anymore aside from civilians and Shinobi from other countries. In the end the Hokage was every Shinobi’s boss in Konoha.

“Why?” Maybe he should be a little more precise there. Because the answer to that was obviously ‘getting laid’.

“Let me rephrase…why me? Why not some less troublesome partner for this…I don’t know…Kiba… or…Gai if you like older guys.” Alright…he began to sound like a pimp now. Still just seconds ago Shikamaru wanted to drown himself because of the audience. Kakashi did not see anything wrong with ‘friends with benefits’ in general. It’s not like he hadn’t done that before. It was just that there were way easier partners if Shikamaru was interested in something like that.

“A one time thing like yesterday can be easily kept under the rug…repetitions? I honestly don’t know…this is still a Shinobi village and I’m still Hokage unfortunately. Can you deal with the fallout? No matter what ...this would be troublesome and you don't like troublesome.” It was not an outright ‘no’ to Shikamaru’s suggestion. Just an honest question before he could even consider it. Casual or not it was delusional to think that there wouldn’t be comments.

"I'm used to people speaking and thinking ill of my family since I was 7...Hokage or not there are still enough people not thinking very highly of me and that is fine." He didn't think highly of himself either so he could not blame them really.

"Someone with less...baggage might be more reasonable."

#narasnooze

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